return to sender

Dear Lovi,
I understand the weirdness of having to contact you using words that comes not from the mouth rather from the drops of ink. Nothing shames me that my cowardice at not being able to face you. I know I have always mentioned myself brave but today I choose to hide behind the paper. I choose so that I can be able to speak my mind without fear of consequences.

I have been planning how to put the words of this letter but no way seems worthy. It is true you were the best girlfriend I have had in along time. You were not the epitome of miss right, you were better. Better because you are real and not simply an idea carefully planted into my head. You smile was tangible on the stretches it marked on your face. Your tears were real and made me feel bad for being such an unappreciative boyfriend. Your physique was real complete with boobs, booty and beauty. Your cleavage stretched down the length of your blouse and that too was real. Your words were real especially when they scorned me for the wrongs I had done. You were so real my dear and I am glad I shared your world.
I know I walked away without saying goodbye and for that am guilty. Am guilty of the results of our next meeting or of the time we bump into each other on the street. And so I swallowed my pride and wrote this letter. Even though you are tempted to think I did this because I know too well that malice cannot fly, lying dogs do not thrive and rotten eggs do not fry I would have tried to pursued you to think differently but I suspect your are right.

I want to apologise for the way I treated you. How I showed you what a princess you were before I had you and what a frog you became once you were mine. You can hit the paper whole day but let me finish. I wish to tell you that such treatment was unavoidable. Whoever told you men are vultures should have told you they are scavengers. It is not that I was a bad boy, it is just that I wasn’t the good boy for you and for that am sorry. Am sorry for asking you to do weird stuff to me so that I could shoot a video and share on Facebook. I apologise for introducing you as my cousin the many times I did. I am sorry for seeking blame in your actions so that I could break up with you. I am sincerely sorry for sleeping with all of your friends and even your aunt. I am sorry for calling you beautiful when you were not. I am truly sorry for making you laugh just so that I could get you to allow me into your bed. I don’t want to stand out as the ideal guy after our incomplete break up but I want to man up and own my actions.

If we meet in another life please look at me like another stranger who just wants to take you to bed. I would love to let you do the nasty things you did to me as long as we don’t go back to us. Being the good person you are I am sure you will accept my apologies and that when you meet a hot friend of yours you won’t hesitate to hook us up.
I hope that does it.
Bye
Always
Your ex

the day i met her

Dear journal, it has been long since we last talked, but I hope you will understand we agreed we talk only in times when I have findings not observations. Anyway am sorry for being rude so how are you? I hope you haven’t told anybody my secrets yet and that you will never stop listening to me. You are my greatest friend, you know, even though we both know am not good at favourites that as well I might have said that to all the people I met so far.
Back to business, I know you want to kill me for the length of time I have kept mum, the times I have pretended you don’t exist and lived life without you. I must confess that though I call somebody else my best friend, you truly are my best friend. You don’t victimise me, forget the mistakes I commit and listen to me full time. As much as I believe you know am such a talker I would like to remind you that I’m writing not talking and that you are hell of a listener. Ok! Ok! Ok! I know you want to know about her and everything but please let it come at my own time. Damn you! I can no longer think straight it looks like I would have to tell you about her after all.
I met her when I went to visit my cousin in KU. Forgive my poor start of the story and allow me to start again. She walked in quite unnoticed and started saying hi to her friends, all this time unnoticed by mr Brightside here. I didn’t for a second think her great ass had any beautiful effects on her face. After all I’ve already told you about great asses making lousy faces. Then she turned and walked at me and there it was, she was smiling, yeah she was smiling at me. So being the gentleman I was I carefully avoided her face and looked straight at her bum to show her the kind of ass hole I am. I prayed she noticed this, later she confessed she didn’t. I continued talking to one of my cousin’s pals as her hand stretched out to great my mate. I looked up into her face and there fell into the gaze of her sparkling eyes. Her face was oval or say the shape of the outline of the egg, her skin was light and moist. It looked soft and it went tender down her neck towards the bust of her chest and down her cleavage. Her hair was medium and clipped at the back. She didn’t use any fancy styles on it yet it still shone inside the poorly lit room. Her breasts just barely visible at the seems of her top bulged slightly out of their cup shaped bra (she must have had one). Her scent was sweet real sweet. In a summary of this verbosity she was so pretty with every piece of flesh properly placed. She wasn’t skinny, neither was she plump and you couldn’t even say she was medium. She was a little below the medium category into a new classification I’d rather call apotene (come’on don’t look that up). She was the kind of chick that as much as you got tempted to tell how beautiful she was you zipped up for the fear of the punishment of the gods for using such an understatement. On earth she was an angel and in heaven probably a goddess. She looked good from all dimensions. Her chin was sweet and her lips quite delicious. She did no make up and still put the most beautiful woman to shame. Her smile aggravated the situation as it sent shivers down my spine, I wish I would have said through the centre of my brain.
I believe she was God’s prototype for angels but failed because of her smile; surely God couldn’t use her especially for delivering bad news. Who would appreciate bad news coming from a smiling face. Anyway back to her she looked more delicious that am convinced that the gods and goddesses of beauty created death in order to bring her reign to an end. She was the kind of lady no man could dare believe answered calls of nature. She looked well kept and smelt better than any fragrance known to man. I know you are thinking am brainwashed, keep that thought because it is so similar to what I thought when I looked myself in the mirror soon after I saw her.
“Hi, are you okay?”
That’s when I realised that time wasn’t frozen when I had my day dream. She really must have heard everything that just went through my mind because her smile faded a little and her eyes sparkled less. She was still the most beautiful woman known to man and wild imaginations passed through my head when I finally managed to taker her hand and shake it for the 5 mins I did, if at all the stories are true. I don’t remember if I spoke back to her but when I tried to get back to the conversation I was in I couldn’t rem her name and her physique remained imprinted into my mind. Her voice was smooth and sweet, it sounded like it was more like she spoke straight into my head. I excused myself and walked to the bathroom, washed my face and looked myself in the mirror. I pointed at the man in the mirror and told him things I can’t remember.
Surely bad things happens to good people for here was the probably best person in the world smitten by the worst man alive. My gaze followed her very move. I could see her chest lift up when she breathed and her chin bulge whenever she smiled, which was like always. She had sat down to update her pal about her weekend. I must have stared for long for my cousin shook me out of my stupor and when I looked up everybody was smiling. When I walked in this room earlier I was the inconspicuous man who sat down to chit chat with old pals but here I was the centre of attention. I don’t know whether she liked the stare or not but she was now smiling at me. My heart stopped, literally and I froze in my swing motions designed to release tension from a tough situation. Her gaze was still fixed at me when my cousin whispered into my ear that I should go and talk to her.
To be continued